Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
