Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
MIDGETS
????
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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