how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
