Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
