So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
