I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
