i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize