So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
