she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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