Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
All I want is dick and wine.
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