I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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