You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
