Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am full of burrito and curiosity
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
