I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Randomize
