I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There r osticjed everywhere
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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