Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
