how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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