Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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