Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
