The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
MIDGETS
????
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
