I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
