Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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