this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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