I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
