i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk walkin through police station. America
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
