I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
