there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
