Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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