i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
