your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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