It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
