And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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