toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
