And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
