I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
