OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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