i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
