I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
