I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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