I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
