good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
