you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
