Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
