giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
