omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
