No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
