Say something about gay babies.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
