i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
