Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
