I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
