I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
