he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
