the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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