I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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