I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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