I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize