I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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