I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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