end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
