the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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