just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
