Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize