angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
