The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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