Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
