he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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