What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
