lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
