guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
