i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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