Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All the doctor said was why
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
