Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
