I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
