..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
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It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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