I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
